6.22 coda-ish
May. 24th, 2011 06:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
metonomiaGuys, idek. I just have all these feelings and I can't talk about them in relation to myself very well yet, so I'm doing it through Jimmy's mangled soul.
Let it Be Done
6.22 coda.
Jimmy Novak, Castiel.
~550 words.
It’s not a problem of space, really. Jimmy has long been made aware of the infinity of this body which was once his. His soul is next to nothing these days, worn down by Castiel’s insistent use, shaved away by the harsh edges of other souls’ power. He slithers like mercury through his own bloodstream and tries to ignore the occasional intrusion of a foreign soul, and when Castiel isn’t using him he thins himself out into the far reaches of his bones and tries to remember how to inhabit them. He gets less and less opportunity. He learns to be content with the infinitesimal corners of his cells, the silent places at the outer limits of Castiel’s grace.
So when the souls of purgatory flood into Jimmy Novak’s body, it is not a problem of making space for them. Still, it hurts to watch them flood into Castiel, laying claim to cells of their own. Jimmy retreats further, into the very center of his old gray matter, and barricades himself within the tiniest nucleus he can find, one from which the other souls in their fight for the best space will not rout him.
Use these up like all the others, he thinks into the brain that Castiel controls. I’ll still be here when you’re done with them and me.
But these are not like the rest. He counts them as they slowly, achingly seep away through his pores, and Castiel is using more power than ever before, but the fullness never seems to subside. These souls are stronger, made hardy by their push and pull with humanity and their years in purgatory, and there are billions of them. When one expires another rushes to expand and fill its space, and every moment that they are latched onto Jimmy’s body they seem to grow stronger, and Castiel with them.
At first the souls talk to him, but soon they fall silent, sullen and unhelpful, resentful of Castiel’s constant pull on them, angry with Jimmy’s complicity. They are absorbed in their battle for survival, finding ways to push other, weaker souls forward as Castiel requires power. They would force Jimmy out too, if they could, and so he burrows further into himself and hibernates, watching.
It’s lonely.
He begins to speak to Castiel as he used to, asking questions, praying to something he no longer knows or trusts. If this is another test, he says, it is not necessary, he has not fought Castiel since his second yes, he has done what has been required of him, and this is his reward? To be flushed with alien souls, to be a vessel to a multitude which never asked his permission - he never agreed to this.
“Damn you, Castiel,” he says in a voice he thought he no longer possessed, and the shock of the realization only fans his anger further.
Not Castiel, the old voice says to Jimmy finally, as ever in the voice of his daughter. I am the Lord, your God. You have served me well, and I have exalted you beyond imagination.
But this is not what Jimmy said yes to, and Castiel is not his god, and he will no longer serve.
He moves out from his cell and offers himself up to be used.
Let it Be Done
6.22 coda.
Jimmy Novak, Castiel.
~550 words.
It’s not a problem of space, really. Jimmy has long been made aware of the infinity of this body which was once his. His soul is next to nothing these days, worn down by Castiel’s insistent use, shaved away by the harsh edges of other souls’ power. He slithers like mercury through his own bloodstream and tries to ignore the occasional intrusion of a foreign soul, and when Castiel isn’t using him he thins himself out into the far reaches of his bones and tries to remember how to inhabit them. He gets less and less opportunity. He learns to be content with the infinitesimal corners of his cells, the silent places at the outer limits of Castiel’s grace.
So when the souls of purgatory flood into Jimmy Novak’s body, it is not a problem of making space for them. Still, it hurts to watch them flood into Castiel, laying claim to cells of their own. Jimmy retreats further, into the very center of his old gray matter, and barricades himself within the tiniest nucleus he can find, one from which the other souls in their fight for the best space will not rout him.
Use these up like all the others, he thinks into the brain that Castiel controls. I’ll still be here when you’re done with them and me.
But these are not like the rest. He counts them as they slowly, achingly seep away through his pores, and Castiel is using more power than ever before, but the fullness never seems to subside. These souls are stronger, made hardy by their push and pull with humanity and their years in purgatory, and there are billions of them. When one expires another rushes to expand and fill its space, and every moment that they are latched onto Jimmy’s body they seem to grow stronger, and Castiel with them.
At first the souls talk to him, but soon they fall silent, sullen and unhelpful, resentful of Castiel’s constant pull on them, angry with Jimmy’s complicity. They are absorbed in their battle for survival, finding ways to push other, weaker souls forward as Castiel requires power. They would force Jimmy out too, if they could, and so he burrows further into himself and hibernates, watching.
It’s lonely.
He begins to speak to Castiel as he used to, asking questions, praying to something he no longer knows or trusts. If this is another test, he says, it is not necessary, he has not fought Castiel since his second yes, he has done what has been required of him, and this is his reward? To be flushed with alien souls, to be a vessel to a multitude which never asked his permission - he never agreed to this.
“Damn you, Castiel,” he says in a voice he thought he no longer possessed, and the shock of the realization only fans his anger further.
Not Castiel, the old voice says to Jimmy finally, as ever in the voice of his daughter. I am the Lord, your God. You have served me well, and I have exalted you beyond imagination.
But this is not what Jimmy said yes to, and Castiel is not his god, and he will no longer serve.
He moves out from his cell and offers himself up to be used.
